Yesterday, I posted my first FIVE SENTENCE FICTION, which is when I had found about Lillie McFerrin's blog. [ http://lilliemcferrin.com/ ] She does it on a weekly basis [on Mondays], so going forwards I'll endeavor to respond on her site each week, and then post it here for your feedback and participation.
Her word for this week is DELICATE and here's my endeavor
What is DELICATE really, but a word?
When you would first look at five-foot-two, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, hundred pound Mary you would see a demure petite young woman; a woman incapable of harming a fly.
But today is quite different, for today you see her being lead into the police stationed hand-cuffed for murder; the murder of a blind date which started out wonderfully, but turned terribly wrong the moment he walked her home and they reached her door.
It is there he forced himself in as she opened the door, immediately closing the door behind him and dragged Mary to the bedroom where he began to rape and have his way with her.
As soon as the rape began, Mary managed to reach into her knee-high boots to pull out the knife she kept there for protection and then shoved into her rapist's heart, turning his face into a look of horror when he realized what the DELICATE creature he had in front of him had just done.
I left comment on one of your other pages but have joined your page here as a follower. x
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ReplyDeleteLizzie, THANKS for deciding to follow me here. I'm going to take my liberty and repost/share the comment you left on my other
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LIZZIE had left the following comment there:
wasn’t sure where to leave my comment as you have 3 blog pages but seeing as everyone is here, that decided it for me.
I liked your take on the prompt very much!! . Never take someone on face value I think is a lesson learnt for both parties. I like the fact you have covered the cause, consequence and build up all in the 5 sentences. It is a tough subject and whilst the power of the rapist is missing, I feel this story is about her and how quickly your life can change when one decision is made to go out on a date which makes for an interesting viewpoint. Well done chicken. xx
This was my response to Lizzie there.
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Hi Lizzie
It didn’t matter where you had left your comment. When I started, I had a website/blog on Webs.com and I quickly learned people had a preference as where will follow people; which is why I then added WordPress.com [here] and BlogSpot.com. I also have a 4th site on Tumblr.com [where I’m not post these threads at the present time. I merely write my entry on any of my sites and then copy/paste them onto the others.
THANKS for your feedback here. Glad you liked what I did here. Like you said it is difficult to cover the story with all of its emotion in only five sentences; which is why I love this exercise, and why I duplicating it here.
I don’t think the power of her would be rapist is missing, it’s there, albeit for only a brief moment. Remember he thought he was about to have his way with her until his fate made a 180-degree turn when she unexpectedly pulled out her knife. He thought he had someone who is helpless and delicate as he usually does.
I’d love to hear your take on my first endeavor using the word “RINGING”
CHICKEN = ???
This is a slice of life. Well done! I am following you, too, and hope you may join me as well.
ReplyDeleteMcGuffy's Reader
http://www.mcguffysreadere.blogspot.com
Hi Ann
DeleteTHANKS for feedback. Glad you liked it. Would love to see what you can do with this prompt... so join in.
Going over to your site now.
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ReplyDeleteThis is certainly a different route from where I went, but well said. Expanded, this could be a stand alone short story, or lead into a much larger work. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteTimothy - THANKS for commenting on my endeavor.
DeleteThis is what's GREAT about this exercise. While some might take a variety of romantic routes, others will take a humanistic route, and still others like yourself will turn to the beauty of nature when I write these five sentences.
I would now like to hear what you thought of what I had said on yours.
WOW! I really like what you've done with 'delicate' It's not at all what is expected, and the imagery in that first sentence sets the story up really well. Awesome job :)
ReplyDeleteTHANKS for your WONDERFUL feedback and I'm glad you truly enjoyed reading it. I believe my journalistic background of writing close to 500 commentaries [ending more than 6 years ago] might have come into play as I wrote this 5 sentence endeavor. I knew I had to have a vivid dichotomy within the given limitation of sentences to have the greatest impact. :-)
Deleteyou know what they say - never judge a book by its cover - he certainly didn't see that coming!
ReplyDeleteSarah
DeleteTHANKS for your feedback. This is one of the messages I had tried to convey.
Glad you agree with the comment I left on your blog.
Love this! Love the fact that people underestimate Mary based on her looks. Love the fact that she kept a knife in her boot! Great submission.
ReplyDeleteKayla - THANKS for your feedback here.
DeleteI'm glad you loved my second endeavor at writing this stuff. Having to limit yourself to a mere 5 sentences is a real challenge to be able to communicate a complete story. I love it as it will help to get my creative juices flowing when I sit back down to finishing writing my second novel. Not rushing at the present time as I'm not selling my first endeavor the way I had hoped to.
Would love to hear what you thought about my comment for your endeavor for this same prompt.
What a surprising story! I especially like the last sentence where his face changes as he realizes what she has done - very well written :-)
ReplyDeleteTHANKS Camilla.
DeleteI think I'm going to love doing Lillie's "5 Sentence Fiction." I feel it will give me opportunities to venture out of the "comfort zone" of writing which I've done so far. My second novel is going to be a Contemporary Romance with a paranormal element running through must of the main storyline.
Glad you liked the spin I gave your endeavor, I simply wrote what I felt was being said/implied between your lines.