Ode
to My Wonderful Wife
MOurning
the loss of my sweet darling wife these past seven days has totally exhausted
me. MEntioning her wonderful traits when I speak to others I no longer have the ability to cry because the reservoir of my tears has dried up.
Never again shall I be able to caress her ivory body or kiss her soft tender red lips.
The wonderful MOMENTS that we shared will always be an essential part of my being.
So how can I search for someone else as others have suggested, when there’s no one else who would even come close to the way she and I have always been; a couple whose union could only have been made in Heaven?
Well, you certainly describe it a bit more than me, but I like to write in a minimalistic way.
ReplyDeleteI don't like that he is pitying himself, yet I see that it's real. So, in essence, he cared a lot for her and misses her deeply.
I noticed the acrostic format before I read the part. While it adds some dazzle to the story, it may detract for some.
(I like to offer my honest opinion on matters, although I know it may offend people. In case it bothers, I wanted to let you know you're not the only one.)
Lillie in her intro states that "Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist." which is what I endeavor to do in all of my responses. I don't think he's pitying himself, he's truly missing his deceased wife. How many people you know can't see themselves with anyone else after being married for many years? So there's a lot of truth in what I've written which I feel increases the emotional impact it might have on some readers of it,
DeleteI love using the acrostic format as it adds an additional level of difficulty. Not only am I limited to write five sentences, each of these five sentence must now start with a sequential letter[s] of the prompt word.
And as far as the criticism you're referring to. I SELDOM take criticism as criticism, I take it as a form of guidance/support from one author/writer to another.
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ReplyDeleteNo need to have deleted your comment, I appreciate them no matter who said what or what they've said enough there might have been some "criticism" in what had been. "Criticism between authors shouldn't be taken as criticism, it needs to be taken as a form of guidance and support.
Delete(sometimes I hate Google's multi-account stuff; sorry about that)
ReplyDeleteHaving dealt with a fair number of grieving clients, I think the self-pity is right on the money. Personally, I'd prefer less formatting -- keeping the acrostic more subtle, rather than boldfacing it. You've done a nice job with an additional level of challenge!
THANKS for stopping by and leaving your compliment. As for BOLDING the letters for the acrostic, I used to keep it as you've stated subtle but some readers said they couldn't see it
DeleteNot a fan of acrostics, especially BOLD ones, and they tend to steer a little too much for my taste. Hard not to spill into sentimentality with this theme.
ReplyDeleteI love the challenge of trying to write my Five Sentence Fiction using the acrostic format because of the additional level it adds to it since I can only write each sentence with the next letter[s] of the prompt word. I originally wrote my acrostic without BOLDING the letters of the prompt however individuals had complained to me personally they could see the format,
DeleteTHANKS for leaving your feedback.
A Happy and Prosperous New Year to you and your family..
Oh the heartache in a separation such as this. It's hard to imagine him going on without her. So nicely written!
ReplyDeleteTHANKS for taking your time to come by and leave your kind compliment. I love writing these five sentence fictions as they help to get the creative juices in those little grey cells of my mind flowing, There's is definitely a lot of heartache between two individuals especially when one dies who had meant so much to the other. I'm glad I'd been able to elicit the emotional response I planned when I wrote this.
Deleteah! Robin.. what should i say about this wonderful creation! It pierced through my heart straight... And my dear, you needn't say that notice the initials of sentences... you have weaved them so brilliantly that they cannot be ignored at all..
ReplyDeleteLoads of Love...
THANKS for taking time to come up to read my endeavor for this week an to leave your lovely compliment.
DeleteAs I've stated above I loved writing these Five Sentence Fictions using the acrostic format. It's hard enough just to write a five sentence story merely using the prompt word, for this week it had been MOMENTS. But to write these five sentences by spelling out the prompt word to form an acrostic adds another level of difficulty to the original challenge as I am now forced to use certain words to begin each sentence.
I often found acrostics difficult to write, but you made it look so easy. Add it to the beautiful story that you weaved around the prompt, and well, we have the perfect read .... loved the emotions that silently crept alongside the words ... in one word ... BRILLIANT :-)
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DeleteTHANKS for coming by and leaving you lovely compliment. It makes me feel good in knowing people have appreciated what I've written as my response almost every week to Lillie McFerrin's prompt word each week. [http://www.lilliemcferrin.com]
If you or anyone else would care to read and hopefully comment on other endeavors you're welcomed to do so. Here's a direct link to all of my Five Sentence Fiction endeavors on this blog site:
http://mypennameonly.blogspot.com/search/label/FIVE%20SENTENCE%20FICTION [PLEASE copy and paste this link.]
I also hope you'll consider becoming a follower so you can read my new endeavor each week as well as my other posts.
Wishing everyone reading this a Happy and Prosperous New Year.
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ReplyDeleteI am by nature a sentimental person and the light emotional touch was good. I learned in the comments and responses about an acoustic format. As I was reading your five sentence fiction I was surprised by MO...and then by ME until I realized the connection.
ReplyDeleteYours is the first Five Sentence Fiction I've read and I liked it.
THANKS for stopping by and leaving your comment. Glad you liked reading your first FSF. Lillie McFerrin posts a new prompt word each Thursday on her site http://www.lilliemcferrin.com Everyone has seven days to leave a response before the prompt word for the week shuts down for new responses,. There's a "clock" telling you how much time is left to respond. So I'd like to invite you to start visiting her site..
DeleteRead her intro and you'll read what her intention is for us to do with our responses. As you've read I love responding using an acrostic because of the added level it adds to the challenge. Writing an acrostic to a prompt word of five letters is relatively simple as compared to one which has more; now I'm forced to split the prompt into five segments before I start my writing.
If you're sentimental - I'd like to read your comment for my response on November 8 2013 for DANCING. and a more poignant one I wrote for LETTERS on November 14.
Such longing and loss. We see some of the MC's anguish as well as frustration as well-meaning friends urge him to move on.
ReplyDeleteTHANKS for the compliment.
DeleteWhat does MC stand for ???
So romantically haunting. I love the ending how there's only one special for you. Cleverly done too. x
ReplyDeleteTHANKS Lizzie, For your lovely compliment. However, the story is told in the third person. The person who's writing this is unknown so it could be anyone. It's most definitely not me, Sorry for the confusion,
DeleteThat question in the final sentence haunts many, and there is seldom a good answer. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteTHANKS for your compliment. Perhaps this individual feels secure in the past and the way things had been while his wife had still been alive. Change is the fear he doesn't want to face.
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