Friday, March 1, 2013

FIVE SENTENCE FICTION - Empty


George and his wife were in New York City to spend their fiftieth wedding anniversary and to check the contents of the safe deposit box for the key his uncle Robert had left him in his will, which was supposed to contain the proceeds of the tontine he had won a few years before.

As they crossed Fifth Avenue to reach their destination, George got struck down by a speeding bicycle messenger knocking him unconscious for a moment, before getting up, and then continuing on his way to the bank with his wife.

Once there, after presenting his credentials and identification, he got access to the box which they opened in the private room for this purpose.

With anticipation George slowly opened the box only to find it totally EMPTY, which caused him to lose his temper as he started throw the box around the room they’d been sitting in; ultimately hitting himself with it and knocking himself unconscious.

 All George hear right now was a voice telling him he was sorry about hitting him with his bicycle, to which George replied that he was okay before turning to his wife to say, “Let’s get to the bank and bring the matter of my uncle’s will to a close, and then immediately leave this crazy city to go back home to the peace and serenity we love.”

12 comments:

  1. Very interesting take on this prompt!

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    1. THANKS for your feedback. I always try to have a slight twist in everything I write. Which is something that can be seen in my debut YA Parnormal romance novel.

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  2. It feels like there is so much more to this story and I'm curious. Perhaps future prompts will allow you to expand on it a little?

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    1. THANKS for the feedback. If you like to read some UNEDITED SNIPPETS from the novel itself, I'd like to invite you to read the GHOSTLY WHISPERS category here on my blog.

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    1. THANKS for the feedback.
      If you love to read about plot twist and plot twists I invite you to read the review my debut YA Paranormal romance novel. "I Kissed a Ghost" got from Micki Peluso. Read my response to find out more about my book.

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  4. Clever plot twist Robin; I hope it wasn't a premonition . . . x

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    1. THANKS for the feedback. Just to let you know it wasn't a premonition. Check out my responses above.

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  5. I wouldn't blame them for wanting to get home. I agree with Sarah, this has the foundations to expand and get longer story out of it. ( I did this with the purple 5SF I wrote) Well done on this one!

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    1. THANKS for your feedback. I know I can expand on each of my endeavors for Lillie's prompts. What I love most of this exercise is it really gets your creative juices flowing by forcing you to write a complete story which can stand on its own by only using five sentences. I also follow someone else who occasionally posts Flash Fictions on her blog and asks us to do the same. Several times her exercises helped me get through a writer's block I'd been experiencing at the time.

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  6. Nicely done with the plot twist! I love it :)

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    1. Hi Lillie
      THANKS for taking time to respond to one of your newer followers. And THANKS for the wonderful compliment. It's quite a task to write a complete story in a mere five sentences and even more so to be able to come up with a "twist" in the story as well. Your response acknowledges my being a skilled writer,

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